If the cartoon adventures of the nearsighted Quincy Magoo delighted you as a child, the new live-action version makes you wish you had Mr. Magoo's vision. Leslie Nielsen has the mannerisms down cold, but neither he nor an ace supporting cast (Kelly Lynch, Malcolm McDowell, Miguel Ferrer) can do much with the limp, brainless script (co-written by The Naked Gun scribe Pat Proft) which has Magoo accidentally foiling the plans of jewel thieves. Magoo may kiss fish and walk up paddle wheels he mistakes for escalators, but this stuff isn't funny with live actors. Cartoon characters can't get hurt, but watching a nearsighted man fumbling about brings out pity for the performers and contempt for the filmmakers. Jackie Chan's favorite director Stanley Tong seems lost without his regular star, and a disclaimer at the end is painfully insincere. It informs us that vision problems are no laughing matter; neither is the movie (PG). Rating: 1.